Four Red Flags that signal your
relationship needs repair

1. Criticism

  • Attacking someone‚Äôs personality or character rather than discussing specific problems or behaviors.
  • Criticism comes across as judgment, accusation or blame, and is extremely damaging to a relationship.
  • The remedy for criticism is focusing on how to improve a specific behavior or resolve a specific problem. Be specific. And be constructive.

2. Contempt

  • Hostility, name-calling, insults, mocking, rolling the eyes, sneering, or other expressions.
  • The remedy for contempt is respect.

3. Defensiveness

  • Usually a response to contempt or criticism.
  • Examples of defensiveness are denying responsibility, making excuses, dredging up the past, saying ‘yes’ followed immediately with ‘but,’ repeating yourself, or whining.
  • The remedy for defensiveness is kindness and trust.

4. Stonewalling

  • Stonewalling is putting up barriers in a relationship, especially to avoid conflict.
  • Examples are refusing to talk or cooperate, procrastinating, ignoring problems, and walking out.
  • The remedy for stonewalling is forgiveness and communication.